Hey, so for me one of my biggest issues that ive had through out my entire life honestly is that i can be quite the push over. I will always put everyone else first and saying no to someone has never been on the top of my skills list! When nasty people have come my way i tend to just take it and let it happen, never standing up and saying any different. Ive had many bad friendships in the past because i tend to never have enough strength i suppose to move on from bad relationships.
But over the past few years ive slowly began to get it a bit better, and now a days im much better at it than i used to be! i still tend to put everyone first, and i still struggle with saying no but im not walked over as much as i used too be.
And honestly? the biggest thing that has helped this is finding good friends and people that want to build me up, not down. I had become so used to knowing people that weren’t good for me it actually has taken me a long time to believe people and i still dont always fully believe it when my friends say nice things about me! Its not easy after you have spent most of your life being ok with your friends being your bullies.
Now, i have friends that have completely got my back, and having that kind of support does make it easier to tell the nastier people to fuck off! Another thing thats helped is running a group, i run a guild in world of warcraft (yes, my nerd is showing) and because of this you do have to be willing to tell people were to go sometimes. People need me to keep the group a safe happy place, you dont get that by being a doormat!
I have felt these days a new found attitude, now dont get me wrong im not suddenly a diva but ive found an attitude i really enjoy! a good example would be the other day, we kept getting these fake phonecalls from BT (we are not with them!) saying there was something wrong with our internet connection. I knew this wasnt true what so ever, but they kept phoning and after my mum answered the phone to them for the 3rd time in 5 minutes i asked her to hand the phone over and i said to them “our line is fine, i know your bullshitting us and if you dont stop phoning us i will call the police” just as i hung up i heard the person on the phone go “ok mam goodbye!”, safe to say they never phoned back!
I would of never have done that even a few months ago, im finding my oompf thats for sure and its a good feeling, it only took me 26 years! but it really does show how very important a good strong support system is. And of course ive had my family but thats different because family is your comfort zone, they dont really tend to push you forward were as the right kind of friends do.
It doesnt mean im perfect, standing up for myself tends to include a lot of stuttering, tears and chocolate but im much better than i used to be and the attitude ive developed to be honest is fun! and it hasnt got me in trouble….yet.
So if your like me, have a look at your life and figure out what is making you keep your mouth shut. Is it a past problem? family? friends? figure it out and sort it out, and then work on knowing when to say no! trust me, its worth it.