Hey There! So, i think a lot of people would of rolled there eyes at the title of this post, but bare with me. Even in this day and age people can be so judgemental about makeup and peoples love of it, but for me makeup really has been so much more than just cosmetics over the years.
The early years.
Ive always loved makeup, from the moment my auntie got me a red heart shaped play makeup case when i was 5, i loved playing and messing with it. But it didnt play any kind of bigger part in my life than that at this point.
For years i did a small amount of makeup, powder, lipgloss, shimmery light eyeshadows that kind of thing, and always painting my nails!
But on my 14th birthday i asked my mum if she could help me choose a mascara, she helped me pick a brown one because im naturally ginger and it set me off on a massive makeup journey that year. By my 15th i was wearing full heavy smokey eyes daily.
The teen years.
From that moment that i tried out coloured mascara for the first time i was very hooked, i wore it daily and i quickly went from wearing just mascara daily too foundation, concealer, powder, eyeshadow, eyeliner and mascara daily! this was also when my style went very goth/emo so of course enough eyeliner to put my chemical romance to shame was part of my uniform at that point.
My teen years where tough for a lot of reasons, my mental health issues became a real problem at this point and makeup for sure became my safety blanket. I would have a fit if it wouldn’t go right, i would get really frustrated when no one seemingly understood why makeup was so important. Too me, it was how i expressed myself, it was my identity, it was my trademark and the idea of not having that really upset me. It became a way that i coped, sometimes even re-doing my makeup a few times a day, It was extremely important to me and this was were makeup really got its importance for me. I wouldnt leave the house without it, when i started to volunteer and such having to do less makeup than my normal 50 tonnes of eyeliner wasnt something i was very happy about! I still managed to get away with more makeup than i think they wanted me too!
Getting my first job, i very quickly got my makeup routine down so that it was enough that i was comfortable, but it was quick (for me!) and i could do it at 6 in the morning if needed. Not wearing makeup wasnt an option still, but i knew exactly what i was doing now, these few years where i worked for sure was where i started to feel happier in myself and comfortable with the makeup i wore. I still wore it as an expression of myself, but it wasnt quite so much the comfort blanket it once was anymore.
And then my anxiety and the like barrelled back into my life full speed and things changed for me again. Makeup was my comfort and one of the ways i felt confident enough to face the outside world, it was my armour and the way i showed who i was. The worse my mental health has gotten the more ive lent on makeup as a way to feel ok, its a way i cope, its a way i calm down.
its also been a way ive reached so many other people, how ive made friends and been a part of amazing communities, doing youtube & blogging over the years has been amazing and not something i would ever want to stop, since coming back to blogging ive been reminded how much i love it.
But of course, due to it being so important to me its been a source of anxiety as well. My anxiety will tell me i dont deserve to have the makeup i do, or to play with it. It will tell me im no good at it, or that i shouldn’t even bother. I go through stages, and it sucks because i wish i could just have an easy relationship with something that i love so much.
As you can see, makeup as meant many different things to me over the years, but one thing thats been a continious theme is that its an expression of who i am. The smokey eyes, the purple, the glitter, its all me and thats my favourite thing about makeup, it can be so very personal and no one does there makeup quite like anyone else does.