Emotionally Broken – Is there a time limit?

Me in a much happier place on my 18th birthday.

Hey! So on the 14th of august i turn 26, and well this is always difficult for me. Ever since i was signed off from work 6 years ago my birthdays have always been so tough to deal with because it meant i was another year older and things were not any better for me.

And now, im 6 years on and my life doesn’t look any better, it looks different but not in a good way.

And of course, im in my mid-twenties now so i have hit that age were everyone else around my age are doing the moving in/buying houses/marrying/babies thing and honestly i dont use facebook much anymore because i just cant bare to see it much anymore.

I always said to myself that i wanted to have children before i was 30, but that is sadly a distant dream now. By this point in my life i wanted to be settled in a job, to have a partner, not be living at home etc but i dont have any of that. But is this silly? putting a time limit on myself?

The rational part of me says that putting a time limit on this kind of thing is silly. That you cant always control these things in life and sometimes you just have to try your best and things will happen when they are meant too.

The anxiety ridden part of me (which lets face it, is %99 of me) believes that at this point, i likely will not get at least some of the things in life that were very important to me. I’ve already lost 6 years, so what else will this take? it does feel like it will take everything else that i dont even have yet, but i want.

I’ve thought about it, what if i hadn’t found myself in this situation? would i have a partner now? Most likely, theres been a number of people i would of likely hit it off with had i been able to take it beyond a dating site. Would i have moved out? hopefully, you never know with money but i think so! And of course, would i be thinking about children yet? Yes, i know i would be, because i think about them and wish i could at least have the option now let alone if i was actually in a good enough place to have them.

I know, I know that thinking this way is a bad idea, i know that i shouldn’t be so concerned with what i always wanted my life to be. Ive seen the facebook posts, the “at 29 JK Rowling was a single mum about to be homeless”, I know that things can change on a whim, that good things can happen to you at any time in life, but just near my birthday i just dont always feel that way.

If im being honest, thats part of the reason as to why i started blogging again because i wanted something that could grow with me hopefully, and something that i could watch grow. I needed something more, and though this does mean ive put more on my plate its nice because im never thinking what should i do, and that is always dangerous!

So i think the answer to if theres a time limit is, it feels like there is, but i know that however it may feel, i have as much time as i want to have the things in life i want.

I can have my happy ending, i just have to believe that.

Cath x

Author: Cath

Hello there! Im cath, and this is my little space on the internet, enjoy!

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